LUV is a 10-month program offered annually through Vital Communities that brings people together from across the region to learn, connect, and develop a renewed capacity to make a difference in our shared community.
In the Fall of 2024, as I began my year of LUV, it was with trepidation. I was shifting into a brand new stage of my life. I was freshly emerging from many years focused on parenting my three (fabulous) children. I was in my late 40’s but felt like I had just graduated. My future was a blank slate. But somehow it did not feel like that liberating blank slate you see in the movies with the convertible and all the hair blowing in the wind. No, this was different. I felt more like I might be in way over my head and need a SWAT team to rescue me with a helicopter. I was on brand new, unknown terrain. Over numerous years of parenting, while buttering toast and listening to the ambient strains of bickering interspersed with PBS Kids, I would daydream about returning to my original aspirations of a career in academia. Or perhaps I would apply my ethics background toward vital board work at the hospital. Yes! Surely I could bridge this gap. I would think of Nancy Pelosi as a parent before joining congress. Nancy did it and I would too. I could definitely get from here to there. I was a hard worker and multi-talented. I could find all the heads and flames in a pile of legos in record time. The working world would be clamoring for me, right?
But my background and recent experience managing this fast paced, ragtag team were not the full picture of what I brought to a job interview. There was the whole pesky issue of my talents coming free with my supremely sensitive nervous system. I was just beginning to understand the full extent of my neurodivergence and its impact on my life. I had always known I could never work a traditional 9-5. I had tried it in my twenties and discovered it was not healthy or sustainable for me. But I had never figured out how - or if - I could bridge the gap between what I actually had to offer the world and any available work options. I always knew there was so much inside me that lay dormant and unexpressed. And, between you and me, the pay at this toast-lego related position was abysmal. Of course that tugged at my heart sometimes but I figured that was part of adult life. I had finally found three fellas who understood me effortlessly. This team was demanding and sometimes even quite loud and unruly. Occasionally I felt their complaints that I had applied too much or too little sauce to their dish were honestly unfounded. But I felt loved, understood, and usually much appreciated in their company. Can you blame me for punting the conundrum of my personal vocation to a future date? I figured I would get to it eventually. Perhaps the Monday after all the toast had been eaten and once we finally found all the missing Monopoly pieces.
One day I was chatting with a particularly affable crossing guard in Norwich, outside Marion Cross School, while dropping off my youngest child. This was not your average crossing guard. This guy was exceptionally caring and congenial, well outside the painted lines. He was aware that I was in a big time of transition and took a moment out to inquire about how I was faring on my job search. He suggested I consider applying to the LUV program. I had not heard of it and was not sure whether it was a good fit for me. But he shared that he had recently completed it and assured me it was a valuable experience no matter what emerged afterwards. So, in the Spring of 2024, I followed the advice of this illustrious former Postmaster and MCS crossing guard and applied to the program.
A few months later, sipping tea at the Ohana Family Camp, my year of LUV began. That first day included gaining an in-depth understanding of what the term “Upper Valley” even means with a spirited discussion led by Chuck Wooster from Sunrise Farm. Later that day, Angie Zhang from Listen Community Services led our group in thinking through numerous threads around home, belonging, and finding a sense of place. Looking back, the seeds of this venture called Love & Moxie were present in that session. They lay well beneath the soil of my multi-layered processing and burgeoning grasp of my neurodivergence and intersectional identity. At that time, I was just beginning to open up to the fresh task of staying present in the rocky terrain of my evolving life, moment to moment, while the ground shifted continually under my feet.
From September of 2024 to June of 2025, I enjoyed the opportunity to spend time at spots like the Hartford Area Tech Center, VINS, Upper Valley Music Center, the Claremont Makerspace, Bugbee Senior Center, the Center for Cartoon Studies, JAM and so many more. Our group even took a bit of a Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood style field trip to the hub for Advance Transit commencing with my first AT bus ride. The bus is so much nicer than the big city ones I was used to riding back in the day! We got to learn the ins and outs of how a free bus system works in a semi rural location like ours. I had lived in the Upper Valley since the Fall of 2005 and yet there were still numerous new adventures like this that I enjoyed via LUV for the first time. Alongside the exploration of Upper Valley locales, we engaged in focused learning and processing of various topics ranging from education and food to government and walkable communities. I have been fortunate to attend some excellent schools in my life and I was very impressed with the caliber of the learning offered through this local program. What a gem in our midst!
Beyond what we learned and thought through as a group, I felt a valuable and unanticipated transformation take place within myself over the year. I started out as someone in the midst of deep discernment about my vocation, processing personal change, and attempting to situate myself anew in the context of a larger whole. I spent those months absorbing a variety of carefully curated experiences, creating connections with a cohort that represented a cross-section of the Upper Valley. I felt a smidge self-conscious about my neurodivergence and having been “just a parent” in recent years. But something within me clicked into place as I approached the end of this intensive experience. I came to see that even though my insecurities were real, they were not exceptional. Our cohort was made up of distinct individuals with unique life stories and vastly different responsibilities and concerns. On the surface, one could say some of us had almost nothing in common. Yet, it became crystal clear to me that we were deeply united when I actually slowed down and stayed curious. This awareness was truly surprising to me after so many years making pb&j’s (no crust, no jelly) with my hard won Georgetown and Yale degrees, watching others “succeed” and wondering what had become of me. Here I was with a group of unique members of my community who all occupied different positions and came from various places yet we were also peers. By the Spring of 2025, I came to see that this experience of LUV was not meant to miraculously change me into a leader. Rather, it could offer me something more immediate and almost laughably simple. LUV could help me gain a brand new awareness of the ways in which I already was a leader even on that very first day at Ohana Family Camp. I came to grasp that leadership is not actually about reaching a certain idea of success that we often connect to a position of status, sitting at the height of power, or exuding extraordinary confidence. Instead, I realized that authentic leadership is humble at its root. To lead we must first accept that in some seasons of our lives, we don’t know if we can meet the task. But with a sincere connection to what and who we care about, we can align our days with the actions needed to help those people and things flourish. Aha. So actually, even if our day-to-day lives don’t feel impressive in the way we thought or defy any simplistic understanding, we indeed still retain the opportunity to lead. First, we need to become aware of our own capacity within our very particular limits and know we are enough. After that, we connect our personal, lived reality and inspiration with the next right step forward. A flexible mindset helps us recognize that perhaps we are on the path we dreamed about even if it looks different than we expected. Sun-lit hair blowing softly in the wind can be achieved with a convertible or quality hairdryer at 10 am. We get to choose how we see ourselves.
By June of 2025, I felt wistful to say goodbye to my LUV cohort and to our monthly adventures through the Upper Valley. But, underneath, I knew I was ready to move ahead. I started out the year wondering what LUV might have to do with me but I was curious and open. I was at a bit of a loss. I wasn’t even sure how anyone truly becomes a leader in different chapters of life, amidst change or upheaval. And somehow, unexpectedly, I came full circle by the end. In a little side room past the gift shop at the Montshire Museum - far, far away from the bubble exhibit I had associated with this location over the years - I accepted my certificate of completion amongst new friends and with a refreshed understanding of myself in community. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I started the journey feeling displaced and uncertain. I wanted to know whether the path I found myself on would take me in the “right” direction. But I learned that connection and belonging are less about the geolocation of the brick road and more about the recognition that your feet are indeed connected to the earth beneath them. Sparkly shoes are always optional but, let’s face it, they look good with everything. In the Upper Valley, much like in Oz, there really is no place like home.
Valley News circa 2015 →
